Kindergarten Crafts
“I plug my noses with glue to stop the demons from getting out.”
Kirsten had suffered a long day and this after-school program wasn’t helping.
“Well can’t they escape from your ears or eyes then?” she responded to the 5 year old, assuming logical discussion would naturally solve the problem.
“Good idea!” the kid shouted in a deeper, slightly demonic way.
Kirsten decided to call the boy’s mother and alert her to the surprise awaiting her. Being the responsible caregiver she was, she sent one of the staff to keep an eye on the boy as well.
“Hello Mrs. Sintillini, Jacob appears to be exhibiting some paranormal expressionism within his behavioral mechanisms.” Kirsten was taking night classes and was quite fond of showing off her newfound speech patterns.
“I simplistically wanted to share with you the spiritual journeying that also happen to include horse hooves that have been melted, currently lodged in your progeny’s naval cavities.”
She waited, for what felt like 3 minutes, for a response before she remembered it was a voicemail. “Great,” she thought, “now she’ll…” The sound of slamming doors broke her train of thought, followed by a debate breaking out in the bathroom escalating between 4 people yelling quite loudly.
As she neared the door, the voices sounded too deep for children and she grabbed the nearby spritz bottle full of bleach to prepare for the impending torrent of homeless men. To her temporarily pleasant surprise, it was just Lucy, the staff member, and Jacob Sintillini, with the glue not dripping nearly as much as it previously had dripped from his nostrils.
But her happiness was short lived. “Get her” yelled one voice. In that moment, she realized she couldn’t decipher who had said it, and this concerned her because one was a 60 year old woman and the other, a 5 year old boy. “Quickly, tie her arms down” screamed whomever was leading this grievous error of judgement.
Pinned to the linoleum cafeteria floors, the cool tile slightly lowering her body temperature, Kirsten remained calm. “Is that glue dripping in my mouth?” Kirsten thought. “It was dry last I saw.”
And there it was. The reason for all the shouting. Lucy had clearly taken to Jacob’s preaching and used the glue gun to unload 3 inches of hot glue in each others’ ears. Apparently the demons had not been let out.
Performing a reverse exorcism is no easy task and Jacob needed assistance. Lucy would be a suitable candidate, whispered Larry the Demon, answering Jacob’s fears. Larry was teaching a master course in viral infection. Due to their intensely close bond, Jacob could still hear Larry despite the glue lodged near his cranium from multiple directions. But mostly it was because Larry only existed in Jacob’s brain.